The Journey To Thin: Entry One

DECEMBER 24, 2008 –

I walked in to the Doctors office for a follow up visit after I was hospitalized for a serious skin infection and that visit spurred me to change my life. The Doctor spoke very frankly to me, and said.. "Stephanie, you had a serious infection that you could have lost your leg… you’re very lucky to be walking in here". I nodded, and what he said next changed my life, "You are very overweight, and have poor circulation, if you don’t change something, you will end up like those old people you see with gigantic swollen ankles – unable to walk. YOU can change this Stephanie, so this doesn’t happen.. and you know you can do it."

You know what? He was right.
I could.
I had always known I was “Heavy” even calling myself “Big Boned” through the years, but I had no idea.
I guess everyone has an internal vision of what they look like, and I thought I looked fine...."cute" even.

And I was always happy. 

I even used to say I’d rather be fat and "Happy", than thin and MISERABLE!
Meanwhile...I just keep ignoring ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the signs, making excuses for everything. "OH, I can’t walk that far, I have an old ankle injury, Im sorry, can you park closer, I must have slept wrong, my back hurts".
Chest pain?..."Oh, I must have eaten something that didn’t agree with me……. Honey, can you carry this up the stairs for me? I think I sprained my knee."
Literally, I couldn’t walk the length of the boardwalk in Rehoboth without stopping two or three times! I said I was people watching.
Truthfully?....I couldn’t walk any more. It hurt. EVERYTHING hurt!
Of course it wasn’t because I WAS FAT, I was sure of it!!!!!

I had tried diets before, never worked.
Gained everything back and then some.
Gained forty pounds…. Of course it was because I quit smoking, or whatever else I could come up with.
Gained 20 lbs?, "Oh, it must be because I changed medicines.". I almost even believed myself at times. It sounded good to me!. My mother would beg me to lose weight, even offered to pay for it, told me I was going to die.. I said.. "MOM!! I’m HEALTHY...a little heavy, but I'm HEALTHY!!! PLEASE STOP BUGGING ME!!"
And then I went and ate a pizza, or a burger… or whatever else I could find…

I walked out of that Doctors office determined. I was going to do something this time….

Here at work, Weight Watchers was starting in January. "That’s it!", I told myself...."This is it. Its time. Im ready."
So I stepped on the scale January 5th 2009 at saw what it said....
308.2 lbs.
WHAT? Seriously, there is something wrong there.. how did that happen? Are you sure?!?!?!?
But sadly….It was right. That number was correct.
WOW. This happened just in time….Im going to change me.
FOR ME!!

~Steff Dickson