What I Did on my Facebook Vacation

Over the past year Facebook has been a great source of comedy relief and an excellent social outlet for me. It is a place where my warped sense of humor is acceptable and actually appreciated by some. It gave me something to do when there was nothing else to do. BUT, I recently noticed it started to become something * to * do, when there were other things to be done. It is more fun than going to the gym. It is way more fun than bathing or cleaning my house. And I prefer it to working any day. It is clear I have issues, so a few months ago I turned off all Facebook notifications to my cell and that helped a bit, kinda like a drunk switching from Whiskey to beer, but it was not enough.

A few weeks ago I temporarily deactivated my entire account for five days. I wanted to see what I would do with the time that I usually spent on Facebook and maybe take a break and see if I was becoming socially inept….. in real life. The fact that I had to DEACTIVATE my account, and couldn’t trust myself not to go look, well that raised a red flag right there. I knew I was on to something and the next five days could be more difficult then I anticipated.


The first night, I had to go back on “real quick” a few times for very important matters. I forgot to leave a message for hooter, or I had to make sure my status was correct while I was away. Such a good addict. I went to work and found myself thinking; maybe I should just forget this. I am sure I am missing all kinds of really fun stuff, but I stood my ground and persevered. The best part about day one and day two, I got text messages from fellow addicts, you know who you are, checking in to see how I was doing. Every text made me laugh and I realized I was going to be ok, except for one lil problem, JOE! Yes, JOE. Surprised? Didn’t think so.

Joe was that monkey on my shoulder. He was that lil voice that kept saying things like…hey guess what hooter said? Or hey, they made a BRING ALLIEMAC BACK page, or hey, they are all saying this or that. I started to see him as that local pusher on the corner, the one I used to get all my skittles from. I found myself having to look at his phone a few times, then feeling a little guilty, but only a little, remember I am addicted, and besides I decided to go on Facebook vacation, not him.

Well, I made it through the five days. Some people (some of the same ones who sent me texts) asked me how it was…you know, like, how was it out there in the real world? How did it go? Are you damaged, do we have you back all in one piece? Are you all religious and stuff now? I see the fear in their eyes when they ask., so let me tell you how it was. It had its pros and cons. I got stuff done. I paid more attention to whom I was with and what I was doing. I didn’t have to look like a deer in headlights when someone was speaking to me and I lost track of what they were saying, because I was checking my update \s on my phone. I got a shitton of work done at work. I cleaned my house, I bathed a few times and I enjoyed every minute at the beach. I shut my brain down and enjoyed quiet moments. I found that I was bored at times. I found that I did not laugh quite as often. I found that I missed all my friends. and I found that itch to draw assflowers and send them out to friends to be almost unbearable.

I do not suggest that you try this at home. The results are not typical. Not everyone will come back the same. I am lucky enough to have an addictive personality, so I made it back. YOU might not.

I do want to thank my Bring AlieMac back fan club. I ordered two hundred and fifty thousand of the rubber band bracelets, but have not received them. I think Gaskin and Gale Parrish are still working on my order? Thanks for all the text messages and thanks for all the support. You will all be getting assflowers and jimmy hats from me for your support (HA, jimmy hats)

Luv ya,
AllieMac-Gina

P.S. Next time I think I will take a *real* vacation.