Today, as I sent my "baby" (youngest of four) off to her first day of middle school and was told there would be "no more kisses in front of friends" and that she didn't "need" me anymore to take her to the bus stop, My broken heart came to the stark realization that...
My once innocent world of Disney princesses, arts & crafts and bedtime stories has now been replaced with boys, name brand clothes, hair coloring and belly button piercings. I have no "first day of school" pictures to post on Facebook because I am no longer "allowed" to take those kinds of pictures because its "gay, stupid and dumb". Where I was once begged to go on field trips, I am now forbidden to show my face within a 20 mile radius of the school. I no longer pack lunches with Smiley face I love you notes", I put money into their "lunch account". I will have no more homemade Mother's Day gifts, stick figure pictures on the fridge or hand picked dandelions withering from the clench of small, sweaty hands. And probably the most hardest one of all to swallow.....I am no longer "Mommy", I am now just "Mom".
As my other kids passed this milestone, I was sad, but it didn't bother me as much because I was excited for them to take that next step and I still had others that were little, so I still had all of those things to look forward to.
But this time it's different. This time its truly a Game Changer.
This year will be the first year that no one in my house believes in Santa. As much as I have longed for this day of not having to shop in secret, hide everything I buy, try to guess exactly which Pokemon cards we "don't" already have (because Santa would know those things), wrap presents at 2 am, or frantically search on line and pay $450,000 for overnight shipping on a Cinderella Castle Playset because someone told Santa 3 days before Christmas that was the ONLY thing she really wanted, I will miss the magic that goes along with having believers. I will miss making reindeer food, taking bites out of cookies and drinking half glasses of milk left for Santa. I will miss reading sweet notes to Santa promising him that they have been good and the excitement of the anticipation of his arrival. I will miss the 5 am tap of little fingers on my forehead to wake me up because "SANTA WAS HERE!"
When my kids were "little", people always told me "Oh, enjoy it while it lasts...." I would look at them with my blood shot, no sleep eyes, mashed cookie in my hair, snot all over my worn for 2 days shirt and think "Are you F-ing kidding me?" At the time, I DID realize what they were saying but I didn't really "GET IT" until now.
Looking back at pictures I see those sweet cherub faces that have now grown long and thin, I see those tiny chicklet teeth that now need braces, I see those cute rounded bodies that have now grown tall and muscular and I see those dear little chubby hands that used to reach up to hold mine to cross the street that now have enough dexterity to text 5,800 texts/per month.
Don't get me wrong, I am so proud of the beautiful, caring, smart, wonderful people my children are growing into, but man, what I wouldn't give to have one of my babies with that "fresh out of the tub" smell, tucked in their footy PJ's, crawl into my lap with her favorite book, put her sweet little hands on either side of my face, look me directly in my eyes and say "Mommy, I lubb you to the uniberse and back!" one more time.
So, to all of my friends with little ones who are reading this now with your bloodshot, no sleep eyes, mashed cookies in your hair, and snot all over your worn for 2 days shirt, listen to me when I say...."Oh, enjoy it while it lasts...!" Because someday soon the magic will be gone and you will be just..."Mom".
